Fail Again, Try Again

Well, I've never been good at sticking to structured plans, whether for reading, eating, exercising or any of the other ways I try to "improve" myself. I knew this when I chose the sidebar quote. 

So let's try being descriptive rather than prescriptive, just for one post. Here is a list of the books currently piled beside my bed, in the order they are piled in, which is partly based on size and partly on reading order. The bottom half of pile 2 (from Steve Jones down) is from the local library and the bottom two books of pile 3 are from the university library:

Pile 1, from top to bottom

Lois McMaster Bujold, Diplomatic Immunity (about to re-read)

Mary Renault, The Last of the Wine (unread)

Jo Walton, Farthing (unread)

Mike Carey, The Devil You Know (unread)

Gene Wolfe, The Book of the New Sun Vol 1: Shadow and Claw (partially read, need to re-read from beginning)

Arthur C Clarke, Greetings, Carbon-Based Bipeds! (for dipping in and out of)

Ian McEwan, Atonement (unread)

Kage Baker, In The Garden of Iden (unread)

Samuel R Delany, The Motion of Light on Water: East Village Sex and Science Fiction Writing 1960-1965 (unread)

Samuel R Delany, The Jewels of Aptor (unread)

Junot Diaz, Drown (unread)

Nicholson Baker, Vox (unread)

Pile 2, from top to bottom

Iain Banks, The Wasp Factory (currently reading)

Saki, The Complete Short Stories (currently reading)

Lajos Egri, The Art of Dramatic Writing (unread)

The Paris Review Interviews Vol 1 (dipping in and out of)

Steve Jones, The Language of the Genes (unread)

The Enthusiast Field Guide to Poetry (dipping in and out of)

Steph Swainston, The Year of Our War (read)

Georgette Heyer, These Old Shades (read)

Nigel Groom, The Perfume Companion: A Connoisseur's Guide (unread)

Marge Piercy, So You Want To Write? (read)

John Campbell, Margaret Thatcher Vol 2: The Iron Lady (unread)

Pile 3, from top to bottom

Steven Rose, The Chemistry of Life (dipping in and out of)

Clifton Fadiman, The Lifetime Reading Plan (read)

Carol Korsmeyer, Making Sense of Taste: Food and Philosophy (unread)

So, I wonder how long it will take me to get through that lot?! At the moment I truly want to read all of those books. By the time I get around to some of them, my enthusiasm will have waned and there will be other things I'm more in the mood for reading. I'm wondering whether I should be more lenient with myself about putting certain books on ice and getting on with the books that are seizing my attention in the here and now. 

A case in point: I bought The Wasp Factory a couple of weeks ago on impulse at a train station. I've never read it, even though it was a popular book in my friendship group when we were around 15 years old. When I bought it I was eager to read it, and I think if I'd started reading it straight away I probably would have sped through it in a couple of days. But I put off reading it because a) there were library books I felt I needed to read and return, b) there was a book belonging to a friend I felt I needed to read and return, and c) I think I was subconsciously punishing myself for being so impatient/impulsive as to buy a shiny new, expensive copy rather than waiting for a much cheaper second-hand copy (three of which I found for a fraction of the price the following day). Finally I started to read The Wasp Factory. Now I'm about a third of the way through and haven't picked it up for about a week. My enthusiasm has dissipated. But out of some notion of trying to discipline myself, I'm not allowing myself to read any other fiction until I've finished it. I'm starting to think this may be wrong, as the energy built up around the books in the pile will also have dissipated by then, and the whole cycle will keep going on (and costing me money as I keep buying new books I can get excited about... in fact this explains the bulging shelves of unread books in my room!)

So, I think I need to be easier on myself about putting books aside. I think what I'm scared of is my tendency to skim through or surf over huge quantities of information/narrative at a very superficial level, and that the pile of books put aside will become a tottering tower and I'll never finish a book again. But I'm in charge here (it strikes me, re-reading what I've read above, that I'm talking about myself as if I were a separate person... if you catch my drift) and I don't have to let it go that far.

The plan: tonight I will have another crack at The Wasp Factory and if I don't make substantial headway then I will lay it aside, without stressing about it, and take up the book which is calling to me the most!